Catholic Sainthood

As most of you probably already know, as of this weekend, there are four new saints. I used to think that getting knighted and being called “Sir” was about as good as titles got, but now that I think about it, “Saint” has a much better ring to it and way better perks (I’d make some sort of funny “membership card/club jacket” reference here, but I’d really rather not go to Hell). Of the four new saints that were canonized, one was a French nun who provided education to pioneers on the American frontier, one was a Mexican bishop who fought anticlerical policies in the 1920s, one was an Italian nun who advocated public schooling for girls in the late 17th-century, and the last was an Italian priest who was a trailblazer for education of the deaf. Now, these are all great works by exceptional individuals, but I can’t help but thinking…How can I get to be a saint? I mean, I live a pretty clean life and I do my best to help others whenever I can, but it’s 2006 and most of the good problems have pretty much been dealt with by past saints. And even if I did something that I thought was “saintworthy,” there are some pretty strict rules here (you can’t exactly be a write-in candidate). Vatican, you’re welcome. If there’s anything else I can do, just say the word. Like…I know that red is the Papal color, but have you thought about updating it to pink? I mean, it’s working for me!